G is for Guilt

Kathryn has officially finished first grade. I can hardly believe it since it seems like I was just putting her on the bus for the first time and boo hooing about my baby in school all day and riding a bus driven by someone who wasn't me and being all grown up and independent and not needing me anymore and going off to college and maybe I got a little ahead of myself back then.

I'm better now. Mostly.

It's amazing how quickly we got used to the whole thing and how now, according to her, I've got a second grader on my hands. Where, exactly, does the time go? How is it possible that a whole school year is finished? And, as unbelievable as it is that we now have a second grader, Juliana is starting Kindergarten in September and my baby is starting pre-school. Seriously, where has the time gone?! And, more importantly, how will I waste spend all that free time? While talking to our neighbor the other day, Nate said with a completely straight face, "Time for you to get a job." Yeah, like that will happen! He's so funny.

That question is rhetorical, of course. I will continue my regular routine of going to the gym four mornings a week with one day to grocery shop. I am looking forward to some guilt-free time to myself. When I've expressed feeling guilty about having Alexander in the daycare, I've gotten plenty of support along the lines of, "You need time to yourself to recharge so you can be a better mom.", etc. But, it doesn't take away the fact that the time the two of us have had together has largely been spent at the gym - apart. I try to convince myself that it's good for him to be exposed to other kids and caregivers and learn to play independently. And, I believe that he's very well-adjusted, but, apparently I'm stubborn because I always go back to the guilt. Even my best rationalizations can't compete.

I know I'm in good company on this one. When trying to balance your needs as an individual versus the needs of others, what sends your guilt-meter skyrocketing?